then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
