It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
