Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
