Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
