Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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