You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he thought i was a dude.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
