normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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