dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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