Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
