you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
