exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
