That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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