All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
