can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it was like eating out sand paper
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize