Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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