yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
