I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
