After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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