Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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