Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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