dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
