me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
try to milk me bitch
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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