I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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