Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
