I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
