the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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