I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
