i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize