The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
did i walk over a car last night?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
