Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
