"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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