i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
