I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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