Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
