I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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