I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
