apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
