Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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