quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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