I bet he comes in French.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
