That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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