I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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