you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
