Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
