I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
