She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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