I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
