I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize