i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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