my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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