i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
