I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
