my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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