I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
