True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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