Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
