I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize