my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
