I wish I could punch you in the face.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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