We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
