i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize