It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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