You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize