you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
