Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
