mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
