There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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