Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
